I don’t wanna be friends


So several women that I respect posted this image on facebook a while ago. I have to admit, younger Jamie used to be quite hung up on the concept of a “friend zone” and the somewhat related issue of girls seemingly not being interested in “nice guys.”

After a while, though, I realized that I wasn’t really a nice person, so perhaps I should work on that before I concerned myself too much with how nice guys were treated.

But more to the point, niceness, friendship etc. is all something of an excuse that’s used by both genders (but more frequently by guys, I think) as a crutch to be upset that someone’s not attracted to you. To be blunt, physical attraction plays a huge role, and you’re lying to yourself if you think that’s not the case, on both ends.* If you’ve spent a lot of time with someone, you feel like you click interpersonally, and they’re still not showing signs of attraction, then that’s probably it. There’s no need to complain about how nice guys finish last or bemoan being stuck in the friend zone-just take it for what it’s worth as a biological reality induced by millions of years of evolution and move on.**

*There are some people who insist to me that physical attractiveness isn’t that important to them in a relationship. I’m not sure that I believe those people, but I guess they deserve to be duly noted here.
**I am speaking to myself here as much as to anyone else.


About irreparabiletempus

God have mercy on me, a sinner.
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4 Responses to I don’t wanna be friends

  1. Sharon says:

    “After a while, though, I realized that I wasn’t really a nice person, so perhaps I should work on that before I concerned myself too much with how nice guys were treated.”

    I like this sentiment a lot. One of our pastors has this saying: “Work on being the person whom the person you are looking for is looking for” (yes, a little convoluted!). I like the shift that both of you bring from focusing on uncontrollable external circumstances to working on internal character.

    • yea, I think your pastor is right, of course. The tricky part is that I don’t think that God, other people, karma etc. necessarily reward you for that effort with a mate, and of course you shouldn’t do it looking to be rewarded-the effort itself has to be its own reward.

  2. David says:

    But it’s undeniable that many women are attracted to the “bad boy” persona. They want someone who is bad to everyone else but nice and loyal to them. And it cuts both ways. Women are a lot less attractive when they’re clingy, always available, etc. There’s a natural instinct to want what you can’t have more than what’s readily available to you. Biology matters, but aesthetics aren’t entirely biological. That’s why famous ugly people still get laid.

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